Peril:Rogues' Gallery

ROGUES' GALLERY

Enemies of the Peril Patrol, Menaces to Skyscraper City, and Persons We'd Just Rather Not Deal With

KNOWN SUPER-VILLAINS, CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS, MONSTERS, ROBUTS & OTHER NUISANCES

Skyscraper City has produced more than its fair share of costumed criminals, mad scientists, monsters, alien invaders, evil robots, and people who really ought to find something more constructive to do with their afternoons.

The following individuals are considered dangerous, ridiculous, or — in several cases — both.

SPAM

Members: Dr. Dolphin, Space Vamp, Black Mungis, The Stranger

The Peril Patrol's most persistent opposite number, SPAM is a loose alliance of super-villains united by ambition, mutual convenience, and the general conviction that the Peril Patrol ought to be stopped.

Preferably while everyone is watching.

SPAM Theme

Dr. Dolphin

Occupation: Aquatic criminal genius

Known For: Mad science, elaborate schemes, and being considerably more dangerous than anyone named "Dr. Dolphin" has a right to be.

Threat Level: HIGH TIDE

A brilliant inventor and veteran super-villain, Dr. Dolphin has repeatedly demonstrated that living in the ocean is no impediment to plotting against civilization.

Ride The Evil Tide

Space Vamp

Occupation: Former super-villain, professional menace

Known For: Flamboyance, super-strength, theatrical entrances

Threat Level: FABULOUS

Space Vamp is powerful, dangerous, enormously pleased with himself, and absolutely unwilling to enter a room normally when a dramatic entrance is available.

I'm So Bad

Black Mungis

Species: Enormous land-going seahorse thing

Known For: Head jewel, laser beams, inexplicable mobility on dry land

Threat Level: MUNGIS

The Black Mungis is a huge seahorse-like creature capable of surviving on land and firing destructive energy beams from the jewel embedded in its forehead.

Nobody is entirely sure why.

Ballad of the Black Mungis

The Stranger

Occupation: Unknown

Known For: Mystery

Threat Level: STRANGE

Nobody knows where the Stranger came from.

Nobody knows what the Stranger wants.

Nobody is particularly comfortable asking.

Nobody's Stranger Than The Stranger

THE GOON SQUAD

Members: Major Metal, Moppin' Man, The Emu, Le Cravat

A collection of costumed criminals who have discovered that four bad ideas working together can occasionally become one extremely bad idea.

Major Metal

Known For: Commanding the Goon Squad

Threat Level: CLANKING

The Major Metal March

Moppin' Man

Known For: Mopping

Threat Level: SLIPPERY WHEN WET

Moppin' Man Blues

The Emu

Known For: Being an emu-themed super-villain

Threat Level: FLIGHTLESS

Nature's Deadliest Predator!

Le Cravat

Known For: Criminal elegance

Threat Level: FORMAL

Ze Aristocrat of Crime

MAJOR MENACES

The Atomic Head

Occupation: Super-scientific criminal mastermind

Known For: Attempted world conquest, masked henchmen, SCIENCE!

Threat Level: ATOMIC

The Atomic Head is a ten-foot-tall, nuclear-green criminal genius who floats above the ground on a high-tech platform and regards Skyscraper City as the first item on a much longer to-do list.

THE WORLD CONQUEST CORPS

His instrument of conquest is the World Conquest Corps, a private army of anonymous Masked Science Goons in fireproof suits. They operate improbable machinery, steal experimental devices, abduct scientists, guard secret laboratories, invade strategic facilities, and get punched through doors by superheroes. The Corps combines military discipline with mad science, except for one important organizational flaw: they are unionized.

Personnel: Masked Science Goons

Uniform: Fireproof full-body suit and mask

Primary Duties: SCIENCE!, security, abduction, equipment theft, invasion, shouting, fleeing

Mission: World conquest

Union: Local 235, International Brotherhood of Masked Science Goons

Benefits: Surprisingly comprehensive

Dental: Two cleanings a year

Current Contract Status: Contentious

Love Theme of the Atomic Head

Madame Mayhem & The Mayhem Men

Occupation: Theatrical criminal mastermind

Known For: Elaborate schemes, color-coded binders, excessive contingency planning

Organization: M.A.Y.H.E.M.

Threat Level: PRECISELY ACCORDING TO PLAN

Madame Mayhem commands the Militant Association for Your Humiliation, Extortion & Menace, a sinister global-style organization whose actual jurisdiction stops at the Skyscraper City limits. Impeccably dressed and catastrophically overprepared, she plans every crime with seating charts, backup schedules, and color-coded contingencies—none of which survive first contact with reality.

Her loyal Mayhem Men are highly drilled, wildly enthusiastic, and almost completely unable to follow simple instructions.

Madame Mayhem

Queen Kong

Classification: Self-proclaimed gorilla monarch

Known For: Banana crime, royal proclamations, unusual gibbon activity

Associates: The Henchgibbons

Threat Level: MAJESTIC

Queen Kong is an enormous talking gorilla in a tiara, cape, and opera gloves who insists that Skyscraper City is her future capital and its banana supply her rightful tribute. Resistance is dismissed as a peasant uprising because, as she frequently reminds everyone, “I AM A QUEEN!”

Her uniformed Henchgibbons operate from an abandoned zoo under such imposing ranks as Chief Henchgibbon, First Henchgibbon, and Henchgibbon Third Class.

Queen Kong

Robo-Nixon

Classification: Robut President

Known For: Scheming, denial, being a robut

Associate: Checkers-1000

Threat Level: CROOKED

The most dangerous and cunning of all the robut presidents, Robo-Nixon has menaced the Peril Patrol with mechanical ruthlessness, political cunning, and an apparently inexhaustible supply of contingency plans.

He is frequently accompanied by his vicious little robut dog, Checkers-1000.

Tricky Dick 2.0

Zambonus

Zambonus is an ancient cosmic entity whose sole purpose is to zamboni planets. He arrives without warning from the depths of space aboard the colossal Zambonifier(TM), a machine large enough to straddle continents. Once in position, he descends to the planetary surface and begins the Zambonification Process: scraping mountains flat, shaving forests down to stubble, filling oceans into neat level basins, and polishing the entire world to a smooth, gleaming finish. Civilizations, ecosystems, monuments, and inconveniently placed hometowns are all treated as surface imperfections.

Zambonus does not conquer planets. He does not destroy them out of hatred. He does not seek tribute, worship, or political control. He simply cannot abide an uneven surface.

Known For: Planetary resurfacing, cosmic maintenance, leaving worlds unnervingly smooth

Threat Level: FRESHLY RESURFACED

Mission: To zamboni planets

Weakness: Possibly rough ice. No one has been brave enough to test this.

Zambonus, My Zambonus

PUBLIC NUISANCES

The Ballhog

The Ballhog is a dribbling demon from the darkest courts of the underworld, summoned whenever basketball becomes sufficiently unsportsmanlike. Wreathed in smoke and brimstone, he charges into battle bouncing his infernal ball with terrifying speed and absolutely refuses to pass. His greatest weapon is not hellfire, but possession. Once the Ballhog gets the ball, nobody else is touching it.

Known For: Demonic dribbling, charging fouls, never passing

Threat Level: TECHNICAL FOUL

Ambition: To take every shot

Weakness: Teamwork

You Shall Not Pass!

Crime Mime

Crime Mime is a silent supervillain who commits elaborate robberies using invisible ropes, invisible ladders, invisible weapons, and invisible getaway vehicles. Nobody can determine whether these objects are actually real or whether people simply go along with the performance because interrupting a mime feels rude.

Known For: Silent crime, invisible props, refusing to answer questions

Threat Level: UNSEEN

Ambition: Unspoken

Weakness: Applause

Crime Mime Time

Cthulhu, Jr. & Splortch

Cthulhu, Jr. is the teenage son of an ancient cosmic horror, but he’s far more interested in unhappy death metal, dark poetry, Xbox, and being left alone than conquering Earth. At R’lyeh High he broods, gets picked on, avoids homework, and responds to his father’s plans for world domination with a heartfelt: “WHATEVER, DAD.”

His one real friend is Splortch, an adorable shoggoth puppy who is affectionate, destructive, cosmologically unstable, and absolutely a good boy.

Known For: Brooding, summoning nightmares, refusing to clean his room

Threat Level: TEENAGER

Ambition: To move out (when the stars are right)

Current Position: YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF HIM!

Smells Like Teen Cthulhu

Doomster

The Doomster is a senior-citizen supervillain whose crime sprees proceed at a stately pace. He’ll rob a bank, complain that the alarms are too loud, forget where he parked the getaway car, and stop to tell nearby teenagers that nobody dressed like that in his day. He remains genuinely dangerous, particularly once he starts predicting catastrophe—but his schedule is rigid. Dinner is at 4:00, bedtime is 7:30, and world domination will have to wait until morning.

Known For: Doom powers, complaining, moving slowly with purpose, using the phrase "back in my day..."

Threat Level: WE’RE DOOMED

Pet Peeves: Loud music, disrespectful kids, modern appliances

Weakness: Anything scheduled after 6:45 PM

Ode to the Doomster

Dr. Kwake

Born Lackluster Kwak, he attended Science School and earned his doctorate honestly, only to discover that everyone laughed and pointed whenever he introduced himself as “Dr. Kwak.” He added an “e,” turned to villainy, and devoted his scientific genius to earthquakes. His guiding principle is: “WHO CONTROLS THE EARTH CONTROLS THE WORLD!” This is technically true, but very confusingly worded.

Known For: Earthquake machines, seismic tantrums, correcting people who call him “Kwak”

Threat Level: SHAKY

Ambition: To control the earth, and therefore the world

Weakness: Being laughed at

Do the Kwake Shake!

Dr. Waffles

Dr. Waffles is a deranged breakfast scientist who has devoted his genius to the most important meal of the day. His guiding principle is simple: “WHO CONTROLS BREAKFAST CONTROLS THE WORLD!” Armed with weaponized waffle irons, syrup-based super-science, and a terrifying understanding of batter chemistry, Dr. Waffles schemes to seize control of Skyscraper City one breakfast table at a time.

Known For:Breakfast-based super-science, weaponized waffles, shouting before noon

Threat Level: BREAKFAST

Ambition: Global breakfast domination

Weakness: Lunch

Livin' on Waffle Time

El Zapata!

El Zapata! is a cybernetic supervillain whose absurdly enormous power boots can smash walls, launch him across city blocks, and turn an ordinary temper tantrum into a municipal emergency. Unfortunately, the boots are so large that walking normally, using stairs, and entering most buildings present serious tactical difficulties.

Known For: Cyber-boots, power kicks, colossal footprints

Threat Level: BOOTED

Ambition: To kick his way to the top

Weakness: Tight corners

Mi Amor, El Zapata!

Felonious Monk

Felonious Monk is a cat-burglar chimpanzee whose monastic robes conceal lockpicks, grappling hooks, glass cutters, smoke bombs, and a distressing quantity of stolen jewelry. He approaches every burglary with deep concentration, perfect balance, and absolutely no respect for private property.

Known For: Cat burglary, acrobatics, contemplative crime

Threat Level: MONKEY BUSINESS

Ambition: Inner peace and other people’s valuables

Weakness: Easily distracted by shiny objects

Hellbatross

Hellbatross is an infernal seabird with the wingspan of a small aircraft, the temperament of a garbage disposal, and absolutely no respect for air-traffic regulations. He swoops over Skyscraper City trailing smoke, doom-squawking loud enough to rattle windows, and somehow flying perfectly well despite the gigantic rusty anchor chained to one leg. The aviator goggles are his own idea.

Known For: Dive-bombing, doom-squawking, maritime symbolism

Threat Level: AROUND YOUR NECK

Special Ability: Flying while carrying an anchor

Weakness: Bread crumbs. Probably.

Ballad of the Hellbatross

Lobster Lord

Lobster Lord commits crimes from inside a massive suit of red lobster-shaped battle armor. Whether he intends to rob banks or conquer the world varies from scheme to scheme, but his faith in the superiority of crustacean engineering never wavers. As he frequently reminds baffled hostages: “WE HAVE MUCH TO LEARN FROM THE LOBSTER!”

Known For: Lobster armor, armored claws, crustacean lectures

Threat Level: BUTTERED

Ambition: Bank robbery or world conquest; he forgets which

Weaknesses: Nutcrackers and drawn butter

Song Of The Lobster Lord

Lord Fondu

Lord Fondu is the self-proclaimed master of cheese, a masked criminal dandy who regards every robbery as a tasting and every hostage situation as an opportunity to lecture people about proper serving temperature. Armed with his three-pronged fondue staff and an arsenal of weaponized cheesey bits, he has flooded bank vaults with molten cheese, encased police cars in cheddar, and once held an entire diplomatic reception hostage over the correct pronunciation of “Gruyère.”

Known For: Weaponized cheese, criminal elegance, unbearable culinary opinions

Known As: The Foul Fiend of Fromage!

Threat Level: MELTED

Ambition: To make Skyscraper City kneel before the power of fromage

Weakness: Lactose intolerance

The Cheesy Waltz

Paper Tiger

Paper Tiger can fold ordinary paper into airplanes, weapons, tools, escape vehicles, and nearly anything else required for a life of crime. He dresses in orange and black and is accompanied by a small origami Shih-Tzu whose usefulness is debatable but whose little folded face is beyond reproach.

Known For: Weaponized origami, paper constructs, excellent creases

Threat Level: PAPER CUT

Ambition: To fold Skyscraper City to his will

Weakness: Water

Master of the Folded Arts!

Pasta-Pot Pete

Pasta-Pot Pete is a culinary criminal who has somehow turned pasta into a complete supervillain theme. Draped in noodles, armed with oversized kitchen implements, and usually splattered with sauce, Pete barrels into battle like dinner has gone horribly wrong. His schemes generally involve pasta in quantities no reasonable person would ever require.

Known For: Weaponized pasta, boiling-hot marinara sauce, carbohydrate-based crime

Threat Level: AL DENTE

Ambition: To put Skyscraper City on a permanent pasta diet

Weakness: Overcooking

That's-a Pete!

Rockodile

Rockodile is a reptilian bruiser with the soul of a lounge singer and the wardrobe of a Vegas comeback special. He stomps through Skyscraper City in a rhinestone-studded jumpsuit, giant pompadour, and enough gold trim to blind traffic. Nobody is entirely sure whether he became a supervillain before or after discovering Elvis, but at this point the distinction is academic.

Known For: Reptilian strength, crooning, property damage, unnecessary pelvic thrusts

Threat Level: ALL SHOOK UP

Ambition: To be the King

Weakness: Blue suede shoes

Viva Rockadile!

Shutterbug

Shutterbug is a camera-headed criminal photographer who believes every crime deserves professional coverage. His mechanical head contains a bewildering assortment of lenses, flashes, shutters, and photographic gadgets, allowing him to document his own offenses while making everyone else look terrible.

Known For: Camera equipment, blinding flashes, incriminating photographs

Threat Level: OVEREXPOSED

Ambition: To capture the crime of the century

Weakness: Lens caps

The Stain

The Stain is a spreading blot on Skyscraper City and on society generally. He seeps beneath doors, leaves incriminating marks wherever he goes, and can ruin clothing, upholstery, carpets, and civic morale with equal efficiency. Once the Stain appears, getting rid of him is considerably harder than it ought to be.

Known For: Spreading, seeping, permanent discoloration

Threat Level: SET IN

Ambition: To leave his mark on Skyscraper City

Weakness: Club soda

You Can't Beat The Stain!

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